Fenced In

Lovers in Rome

2012-01-27T23:06:00.000+05:30

"May be, we should have gone to Rio", She said.

"What?"

"Instead of Rome, We should have gone to Rio. You know how much I hate the cold. It makes me bad tempered and irritable. My feet were cold the whole time. Rome was a bad idea in December, what were we thinking?"

"Why does it matter now?"

"Life is made of memories, and we would have made great ones in Rio. Better than the ones we made in Rome"

"Life is made of feelings too and back then, I loved you too much to care if your feet were cold all the time, All I wanted to do was look deep into your eyes and tell you how much I loved you"

"You said - 'back then' "

"Yes, I said 'back then' "

"hmm"

"Sill girl! I mean - now, there are other things that I want to do besides just declare my affections for you"

she chuckled, "You have the heart of a wanderer.You always had lists - places to go , things to do, people to meet, stories to make."

"Yes,this story will be the best of all"

She had that hard look in her eyes, the one he hated. He knew then , that she had made up her mind.

She said, "Stories without me in them, places without me next to you."

"Life is also made of hard decisions. This is one such for me, I hope you know that"

She looked up, deep into his eyes. "Life is made of sacrifices too, besides, there is the whole love thing."

"Yes, there is the love thing. And the sacrifice thing. For 20 years I sacrificed everything else for love, maybe it's time to sacrifice love for everything else."

"Okay."

"I'll see you later, maybe?"

"Maybe."

She walked away.

Zola

2012-01-15T11:13:00.005+05:30

She came to me in the middle of winter at beginning of a white weekend. I remember the warmth of my morning coffee on that Saturday. I remember looking out the window and thinking how the world had turned white and black generously sprinkled with shades of grey. I remember looking towards the east, at the ominously grey skies and trying to find the sun hoping it would warm my cheeks. It took me a while, but when I did find it, the sun was hardly more than a gentle lamp in the sky.

She came unexpectedly. I remember the pounding in my ears and the sound of my breath. Was that really my heart? Most of all, I remember her eyes. They were a deep green , like a tiny bit of spring in the middle of winter. Sometimes, when I looked closely enough, I thought I saw specks of gold in them. She was my own little bundle of warmth. And joy, oh-so-much-joy!

The doctors said that there was something wrong with her. She did not respond fast enough, but I knew that there was something special about her and that they didn't understand. She didn't think like everyone else. She was a child of spring born in the middle of winter, her mind belonged with colours and music.Her thought did not follow linear steps of logic but followed her own inner rhythm. She needed her own special world, where spring lasted for ever. I knew it before they said it, of course, she did not belong here, with us. She had to go, I knew.

But I had endless days of spring while I had her.

Together we discovered that the world was made of interesting patterns and secret laws. There was an Underthing full of small thingammables which scurried all day and sometimes deep into the night to keep the middle stable. The middle was pushed into place by the beautiful blue Overthing that was filled with white fluff that attracted winged thwangs, which looked for hidden gold all the time. We had to eat apples to discover hidden wishes and drink our milk everyday because it filled up our bones. Sleep was good because, it helped the night fairies spread magic dust on the flowers.

Winter melted into spring with flowing colours and fresh blossoms everywhere. Soon summer followed with walks in the park and hot splashes in the pool. Autumn was a canvas of yellows and oranges which my Zola told me were because of the sun sending some of his warmth to the earth to prepare her for the upcoming winter. Soon all seasons blurred into long walks and laughter, hot cookies fresh from the oven,dips in the lake and made-up stories about numbers that just wouldn't stay put on paper! As is the nature of things, time did fly by, we must have had a lot of fun.

On another winter day, in another time, with another storm building up in the east and suffocating the early morning sun, I look out the window again and wait for spring. For, in spring, I remember my Zola best.

20

2012-01-12T02:25:00.000+05:30

20 minutes. To build it up, to grind it to dust. To make it up, to break it down. To run up and reach, to crash and burn. Weave a wreath of magical words, shatter a cherished dream with harsh reality. Make or break.

blank

2011-12-16T03:21:00.002+05:30

I believe that all moments in a desert are the same. The light tricks you into thinking that time has passed. A breath, a blink,all tricks of your mind. Everything stops. The dunes shift,your soul withers. The sand flows over your body endlessly. You almost don't notice that it scorches. It burns. The desert is a dangerous place. It is because all moments are the same in a desert.

A Message

2011-03-01T03:58:00.004+05:30

As I looked out the car window from the back seat of the Audi on my drive back home at the dreary gray winter landscape, I noticed all the trees and wooded areas that dominated the view. There were no leaves, not a sign of green anywhere. They were bare with no sign of life; they were brown the colour of the earth. The only signs of life were on the road - in the cars all around. Red, blue, green- every colour and shape available.Winter does strange things to colour, it's almost as if someone turned down the contrast in the view or dipped it in gray.

I closed my eyes and thought of the time before all the iPads and the iPhones. Of the time before super computers and men on the moon.The time before the talkies and Alice in Wonderland. Before the Lord of the Rings and Columbus, before Industrialization and Renaissance, wooden tools and even the first wheel. The time before the first man. The time of the Trees. Great trees that ruled the world. They were the source and the center of life. Entire ecosystems sprang to life and lived in their nourishing shadow.

Of all the Great Trees there was one who was the Greatest - The Eldar. All the Great trees whispered about his wisdom and kindness. It was said that The Eldar was the first Breather, some even said that The Eldar was of the Earth herself, her expression of life. They all believed that every Breather that followed the Eldar, was his expression and carried a part of his being. The Eldar, of course, never spoke of his beginnings, but just of the future. He spoke of a great many things, but most of all he spoke of two things. The Earth, he said needed to be protected from the Breathers and also that the Breathers needed to be protected from the Earth.The other Great Trees listened and believed but could never really comprehend this logic.They did their best to protect the Breathers from the Earth and the Earth from the breathers. Thus arose all seasons- they nourished the breathers when the sun was warm and protected the Earth by turning brown when the sun grew cold. They did this every year and a pattern formed. All life followed the lead of the Great Trees and slept when it was cold and flourished under the warm sun.

The other thing that The Eldar spoke of was balance. The Great Trees listened , but again, could not comprehend.

Time moved along, faster during the warm season and slower when cold. Fact turned to hearsay and stories to legend. The Great Trees realized their strength and discovered their voice. The loudest among them was heard the most. He was a young oak, tough and strong. He spoke of the Greatness of the Trees, he said they were mighty and that they deserved to dominate the breathers because of their greatness and might. He said, leading the Breathers was necessary- a job for the wise. They were of the old world and controllers of the seasons. Leading the Breathers was a responsibility, he said, as the Great Trees were the only ones who knew about the power of the Earth. It was time to take up their responsibility and not shirk away. The Great Trees listened and this time, they comprehended. They knew what they had to do.

They turned towards The Eldar with belligerence in their hearts and defiance in their eyes, challenging him to disagree. The Eldar grew silent and withdrew within himself. He never spoke a word again, but seemed to shrink in size. The other Great Trees took this to mean that he was passing on, failing to notice that they too shrunk a little each day.

The best way, said the Oak , to care for the Breathers was to have maximum presence on the Earth. The others agreed and spread their roots far and wide. Many new Trees took root and grew. They took their lead from the Great ones, who didn't seem so Great anymore. In fact many times, a Great Tree was considered just a Tree because he did not remember the Oak's message.The wisdom and sayings of The Eldar slowly faded into history, forgotten and discarded. The Trees now believed that the world was theirs to own and the Breathers were to be pitied. They believed in their greatness and their march forward into the future was looked upon with eagerness and excitement.

Many new things happened one season-cycle. Strong winds blew away many Trees and Great Trees in many places. The golden warmth of the sun turned, blazing hot and burned down huge forests. The Trees looked to the Great ones for advice and direction, but it seemed that the Great Trees were passing on faster and faster. The warm season grew warmer and the cold season grew colder. It seemed as if the Earth grew in fury and unleashed her wrath in great force. During a very hot day in a harsh warm season the Oak grew silent and thus the last of the Great Trees passed on. With no one to guide them, the Trees grew into themselves and slowly lost their voices too. Thus, imbalance entered the world and all life forms began their various cycles of ultimate destruction.

.......I opened my eyes, with a feeling that you have when you dream something strange. I tried hard to grasp at tendrils of the dream but they were too fast and slipped away from me. I shrugged it off and switched on my iPad.

Dicing With The Gods

2010-09-30T21:43:00.002+05:30

We dice.

Without a care, and just for fun, we dice.

"What about Human lives you say? What are humans, but pieces on a board, sources of entertainment on a lazy afternoon. What are their lives, but flickers in infinite time; their presence, insubstantial in the vastness of space. Mere trifles, not worth sparing a thought for! We are the Gods, we own their every breath, thought and action. "

"Our bailiwicks are five, one for each - Reason, Irony, Calamity, Chaos and oh yes, Love." , detailed the Lord of Reason.

"My turn", roared the Lord of Chaos and rolled the dice with glee. Randomness ensued, one strange move followed by another. Each move illogical and unreasonable but very portentous. Soon after, a black storm raged the seas and fire rained down on the lands - Calamity's influence shook the board and some pieces disappeared into the gloom.

"Lets turn this into a masterpiece" ,pronounced the Master of Irony.With a graceful touch here and a sudden move there, his deft hand transformed the board to one.

Everyone turned to the God of Love with challenge in their eyes.

He returned their stares, smiled and said, "Yes, lets dice!"

The Land of No Time

2009-10-14T23:49:00.002+05:30

Goodbye.

Run.

2009-07-01T09:40:00.002+05:30

"Faster", I tell myself. C'mon run. Move, move.

Shaken and stirred- very random. They begin to settle, forming a familiar pattern. Need to run. Increase my speed, faster, don't let them settle. "Don't forget to breathe", it is of course, important. The pattern is disturbed again. Good.

I slacken momentarily. The pattern is back again, brighter and more conspicuous. I run with an added burst of speed. Push my limits- Keep running. My muscles begin to scream in protest.I have to ignore it. Keep moving, it is important.

A new thought germinates and takes shape. I stop abruptly, gasping for breath. Away or towards?

Of Human Nature

2009-05-25T00:26:00.000+05:30

Of late I have been given reason to contemplate human nature.This post is a result of a melancholic Sunday spent sipping a lot of tea and pondering over a lot of questions. Why do we do what ever it is that we do?

Modern human history is a story of the rise and fall of many ideologies and systems that boasted of fervent followers and contemptuous disbelievers, usually simultaneously. Powerful ideologies have the distinction of being able to spur people into action- to rise up in arms, to stand up and fight, to protest. A powerful image comes to mind.Ironically, it is the image of a feeble looking old man in white loin cloth spinning cotton. His ideology, non-cooperation, humbled the greatest imperial power of the time and gave the world a shining example of democracy.How did this little man accomplish a seemingly impossible task? Was his idea that powerful? But then there is nothing tangible about an idea, it is after all, a ghost conceived in the mind of an individual. What then, pushes people to be able to die for, or worse, to kill for an idea?

Passion. A very important word among us humans. Inspiration is not inherent to the idea. It is the passion of the preacher that inspires action. I believe that some people are burdened with more than their share of this intoxicating feeling. Their lives are driven by a quest, no, a thirst for passion. It is quite impossible to be passionate about a lot of things at the same time and there in lies a great risk of tragedy. What happens to that passion-driven individual who picks the wrong thing to be passionate about? Despair lurks nearby, ever ready to claim more for its own. But then, great happiness can come out of great passion too. It seems to me that it is the choice of the object of passion that defines the destination. Pick your subject wisely and you might be rewarded with great joy.

Detail. Detail is of paramount importance for self aware and intelligent life. Abstraction tends to blur out details, and too much abstraction can be demoralizing. If all of humanity was divided into types of people based on their life choices, I think the largest group would consist of those who chose to be significant and relevant. Detail is important to these people, and abstraction a great threat to their happiness. Because, if you blur out the details, what are we, but irrelevant specks of insignificant matter in the vast emptiness of the universe. Too small, and consequently too insignificant. Generation after generation of human beings, with all their stories of glory and treasures of knowledge are nothing but a speck on a blue dot on a huge black canvas.But when detail is added to this speck, there is great significance. And a large number of people can be made happy.

Then there are the artists. Humans moved by beauty and aesthetics. The dancers, writers, painters and musicians. One question plagues my mind. Why is misery associated with the creative type? Of all justifications that have floated into my mind, the most concrete is that misery is an empty feeling. Happiness is filling. Emptiness creates a vacuum that begs to be filled. And most times, expression comes to the rescue. And thus art is born.

Human actions are endless and therefore this piece can be endless. I choose to stop here. Take a breather. Some more for some other day. But before I stop, to all those critical thinkers, I would like to say something.

I do not believe that I have an insight into human nature. Nor do I think that I have found any reasons for our actions. I do not know if there are any answers to be found or any reasons to justify our actions. the more I try to find answers, a greater number of questions arise. I am but a humble novice attempting to answer one of the biggest question humans have ever asked : Why do we do what ever it is that we do?

In Flight.

2009-04-03T16:00:00.000+05:30

He perched high, among the cliffs and surveyed creation with an eye of disdain. It greatly amused him to see land dwellers scurrying about on the ground. To him, they were his prey , nothing else. He enjoyed the hunt- it was ,of course, a game he had mastered over the years. His senses heightened, especially his sight, he spotted his prey from high up, locked it in his vision and swooped down quietly. He was an Angel of Death- swift and dangerous. His powerful talons formed an iron grip on the hapless animal. He always felt a surge of power as his prey struggled in his grip and then profound pity as its weak heart finally gave up. He knew nature intended him to be superior, Her masterpiece and the Great Hunter.

He felt the familiar stirrings of hunger and the thrill of the hunt began to consume him. He took flight and stretched his powerful wings. Flying exhilarated him, as it should, he was after all, the King of the Skies. He scanned the Earth for his next victim. He did not have to look for long; an unsuspecting hare was out foraging for a bite. He started his descent, slowly but surely. As he gathered speed , he could not help but smile to himself. It was almost too easy. He was just a few feet away from his prey. He could almost feel the soft flesh in his talons...

... The bullet came out of nowhere. The great eagle faltered in his flight. Unbearable pain filled his being. He felt his heart rate slow down and the energy seeping out of his body. He tried flapping his wings but could not hold himself up. He began to fall, confused. In a moment of clarity, he saw a creature on 2 feet holding a long metal thing. He saw the creature's face, took in the expression of triumph. He knew that expression and that feeling all too well. Understanding flooded his mind- He was hunted down.

Escape

2009-03-26T01:51:00.000+05:30

The daemons are coming. I felt them before I heard them. I knew what they wanted; I knew what they wanted to do to me. I shudder. I look around -desperate to hold on to something. Anything. In a daze, I begin chanting. It works for a while, buys me some time. I start planning a distraction. Reality kills my plans. I know that those plans will never work. I still try, mostly because of a lack of options. I think they can sense fear, the daemons, I mean. They gather courage , edge closer, cautiously at first and then with increasing manic energy. I don’t want them to come closer. I pray. I hear laughter in my head, praying? Really?, I wait for an escape. The daemons are closer now, I can feel them in my skin. Pain. Fear. Anger. Where is my escape? “Go away, you are not welcome” , I beg. More manic laughter.

I give in. They consume me. Agony. Rage. Tears.

And then comes my escape. I embrace it eagerly, It fills me. Creeps into my veins , quietly. Takes over my consciousness. Bliss. I breathe evenly, unconsciously. The strain seeps out, little by little. I feel secure. Oblivious.

Then they awake, the daemons. More vivid and dangerous. This time, I don’t have a choice. I let them ravage me, unable and unconscious to put up a fight. I hear laughter, the manic kind. Silence.

There is no escape.

Sometimes.

2008-12-01T15:54:00.000+05:30

I stood there looking out at the lake, the breeze was gentle and brought with it the fragrance of flowers far away. The kind that lifts your spirit and puts a smile on your face. She will sing for you, if you have the time to stay and listen. The breeze- she whispers, barely audible. But wait; listen, let her talk, she has amazing things to share. The things she says will make your day.Not just this one, maybe other dark and gloomy ones too. High up above,within the bright blue sky; a bird in flight. Focus.Is it really a bird? It changes direction rather abruptly. Yes, definitely a bird. I look down. Beautiful blue water, suggesting undiscovered mysteries within its depths. Still and serene.Yet powerful too. The wheat stalks sway, gently at first, but with increasing excitement as they dance in tune with the breeze.

Suddenly,I feel like a part of the whole scene in front of me. I take a deep breath and feel the air fill up my lungs. I watch until the view fills up my senses and stretches into my mind, until it occupies the entire landscape of my consciousness. I feel like a jigsaw piece falling into place. Peaceful and quiet. And like a part of the whole.

Sometimes I wish photographs were three dimensional.

The View From The Top

2008-09-11T00:02:00.000+05:30

Yes. That's what I am looking at.

The Name is Bond, James Bond.

2008-08-19T11:10:00.001+05:30

Her Majesty's very own dry-cleaners!

Of Bomb Blasts, Work Places and Arcade games.

2008-07-31T13:46:00.000+05:30

This post is a few days late. But it is a good thing that it is, my opinion of the blasts has undergone a few changes since the day they actually happened.

Friday, the 25th of July

I was sitting at my desk and working, when I get a call from my friends.

"Come home"

"huh?! why?!"

"haven't you heard? There are bomb blasts in the city, 7 so far! come ASAP"

"huh?!My God!"

After that call, I was dazed and, well, I'll admit it, a little bit scared. I got up from my seat and walked around the office and found most people still busily working. I thought this was very odd and asked sharan, a fellow intern, if he has heard of the blasts. He said yes, and gave me a few details; the office was still very calm.

A few minutes later, some people stuck their heads out of their cubicles and started talking. Most of them had big grins on their faces. I could hear people laughing and joking. Most of them were still immersed in their work. At this point, I was Pissed!! people's lack of concern was unbelievable to me. I couldn't do much about it though; I just glared at everyone and left for home.

Saturday,26th of July

Bomb blasts in Ahmadabad. My friends played Arcade games online while the news played in the back ground.

I didn't know what to make of it.

Sunday,27th of July

18 live bombs, diffused in Surat.

I went out for lunch and watched a couple of movies on my laptop.

I am not so upset at people's apathy anymore. I understand. Everyone in sensitized to it. All the violence, border disputes, terrorism has become part of everyday life and people dont care anymore. Even so, I cant help but wonder,"Where is humanity headed?"

Options

2008-07-16T10:25:00.000+05:30

My mom always told me to be a "professional" and get a "professional degree". She told me that during their time, there were not many options. She didn't have the right exposure to pick a career that would make her happy. She just had to pick a job, any job, and help support her family.

Its been 25 years since that scenario. I am sitting in my chair at my PS station and thinking about my options. Yeah, I do have my degree, i have two in fact! an M.Sc. in Physics and a B.E. in EEE. The thought in my head is "so what?" how has it made a difference? Yeah I do know that a MOSFET has 3 different regions of operation. But that doesn't make me happy. :|

Ambition. Every child has an ambition right? (well, at least all the Asian and Indian ones do). Mine was to be an astronaut. I was fascinated by the thought of Zero gravity.15 years later,today I am an Electronics Engineer and am as far from being an Astronaut as as monkeys are from learning to fly.

And I am considering my options.

Aato!

2008-07-14T12:37:00.000+05:30

The city of Bangaluru(hope I got the spelling right) has taught me a lot of things. But the most important lesson I have learnt so far is the versatility of the auto rickshaw or as our brothers,the south Indians, would call it - the aato. Move over Ferraris and Lambhorghinis, the aato is here to take over the world!

I have found the following to be true about them :

1. the fastest way out of a traffic jam is traveling in an auto (of course, the fastest way to get anywhere in Bengaluru is to walk :|)

2. on the rare occasion of finding a traffic-free road, the auto-driver will provide an adventurous, nerve -jarring,life-threatening, back-breaking, high-speed ride. Well, if all you wanted was a safe ride home....u MORON!why did you get into it?!

3. The battle of wits. Yes, it is a battle of wits, and the opponent is worthy. The auto-diver is a master of psychology and can sense levels of weakness, tiredness etc. and after complex calculations, will come up with a sure way to rid you of a lot of money.

4. lastly, who can ever do that(see pic) with any other vehicle on earth?!

I was traveling in the auto when it ran out of fuel and the driver flagged down another auto and towed it to the nearest petrol bunk, which was a good 2 kms away with his FOOT!

Pilani Diary

2008-05-04T12:56:00.000+05:30

11 days and counting.Pilani will soon be a fading memory. 4 years. 4 cold winters, 4 extremely hot summers. The intensity of it all will reduce, it will fade into the past.Quite like your high school.It will become something you talk about while discussing the "good old days", or bitching about work or your boss.

I can hear the conversations in my head ,"haaan, Pilani! we never studied, all we ever did was watch sitcoms and go to cnot, niteouts before tests were quite sufficient!Life's become a bitch these days...."

Honestly, I am not upset. i am not happy either. I feel nothing. May be its because passing out is not real to me yet, or maybe i just don't care.I don't know.Relief. yes, relief. I think 10 more days and the most prominent feeling is relief. i will be done with EEE!

I don't know if life will get better or worse. I don't have a plan. i guess ill do what i always do: go with the flow. I have been trying to recollect things. Things that happened over the past four years; trying to make up my mind, if it was all good or all bad. I am not too sure, but i think it was alright.It was mostly about learning.About myself,importantly. I wouldn't say i know who I am.Does anyone ever know the answer to that? but yes, i know my limits. i know exactly how much i can bend before i break.That is the most important lesson Pilani has taught me.Another important lesson that i have learnt is that "friends" and "people you can count upon" are rarely one and the same thing. There are friends and then there are friends whom you can count on.

I have been listening to this one particular song a lot lately.

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

yeah its the green day song.The same one they play at every farewell.Its a little cliched,but it has become that for a reason.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

yeah, I think I can safely say that I did have the time of my life!:)

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It was. All the laccha sessions, wing enthu sessions, niteouts spent mostly bitching about psycho profs. long conversations about sitcoms and who is crazier : Ross or Rachel. The heart breaks, The multiple crushes(sometimes they were gang crushes ;)) All the gyan sessions at Gandhi statues(or was it patel statue? cant rem which is where!) the rare ghot sessions at ref. The mid night maggi times. The innumerable fights.The cnot treats. The pop corn fights.Vettifying at Sky. Gussed tuts and tests.Zuked tuts and tests. Music night enthu. Stiff neck after music nites.Spoof and DW enthu!and yeah..how could i forget SAREES IN OLAB!(yes,it happened!) and majorly gussed ceeri projects!

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I think we all did.

Back!

2008-05-03T16:33:00.000+05:30

Yeah, I prepared to fly alright, and crash landed! It was not so bad though, life always points u in the right direction, albeit in a very indirect and cryptic way. up to you to decipher things!and hey, thats the fun part, isn't it ??

anyways, the gist of this post is that, I have been busy and caught up with all the deciphering and now that I have chosen some sort of a path(hope its the right one ;)) am more stable and willing to write more often.

Get ready to be dazzled with my wit and humor, my passion and expression, my excellent take on life.

okay, plz do read my posts ! :P

2007-10-10T23:17:00.000+05:30

prepare to fly.

2 months down; 2 more to go.

2007-10-08T09:47:00.000+05:30

so..Its half way through the semester and I have the good fortune (allegedly) of pursuing B.E(Hons.) EEE from one of the best institutes of the country. The EEE department of BITS is counted among the best of the world.

I have learnt a lot this semester, but the most important things that I have learnt are the following :

1. Zeros are very round.
2. It does not matter how many times the zeros are replicated, as long as there are no other digits involved, their absolute value remains the same.

I consider myself ENLIGHTENED.

2007-08-28T23:10:00.000+05:30

My greatest strength. My wonder wall.My favourite companion. My biggest buddy. My partner in crime.My soundest adviser. My best friend.

My darling little brother. I am truly blessed.

Hear Ye Jabber!

2007-08-22T22:58:00.000+05:30

Here is a collection of few interesting thoughts that i have had/read/ heard in the recent past...feel free to continue the train!

* whats the point of a soul when the self is technologically mutable.u can achieve pseudo immortality through cloning and save all your thoughts and memories on hard drives.the whole point of the soul is to substantiate the concept of immortality, isn't it??

* human thoughts never travel in straight lines between two points. The mind always chooses to follow highly convoluted paths between two ideas or to make decisions. Ergo, human thought processes are not linear. ironically, my micro electronics prof says,humans dont get non linear dynamics!

* life is a series of rooms. what's important it, whom you are stuck with and in which room! if u figure these two things out....You'll do just fine!

*Bono is right!Bono is always right! I love Bono....

"what you don't have you don't need it now.....What you don't know you can feel it somehow"

4-1

2007-08-12T21:30:00.000+05:30

Here I am, This is me.

Am not referring to the lyrics of the Brian Adams' song, but this is essentially my perspective these days. Its the beginning of another new academic year in BITS pilani, another 900 freshers,who for most part are confused about why they are here. Another fresh batch of second yearites with a lot of resolutions, a skeptical third year batch facing their (in some cases their first) set of CDCs. Lots of changes.Lots of new things.

But for me, its just another darn sem, with another set of CDCs. Nothing has changed. Nothing is new. even some of the resolutions are repeated. I feel like I am living in a time warp and living the same set of days again and again.

And again.

again

and again

again

okay! I will stop.. :) it was just too good to resist!

Anyways, the point is, I am bored!anybody with me on this??

Papa and I

2007-07-16T12:00:00.000+05:30

I put my head down and tried to sleep on papa’s shoulder. I closed my eyes to sleep, but the bad thing in my stomach hurt me again. I wanted to cry out, but didn’t want to upset papa. He has been very upset for the past seven days because of me. The bad things worried him too. I opened my eyes and looked out of the window of the train. The trees seemed to run past the train at great speed. I thought this was very funny, and laughed out loud. But I had to stop because the bad things were hurting me again. Papa looked at me and asked me what happened.

“Look at the trees papa. They are running after each other in a straight line. Cricket masterji at school would be impressed with their speed!” , I said and smiled up at him.

“The trees are not moving beta, but the train is, so it looks like the trees are running”, Papa replied, looking down at me and his eyes filled with tears. I suddenly felt very stupid.

“sorry papa. I am stupid. I should listen more to masterji at school. I will do that from tomorrow. Please don’t cry..”

“No beta. You are a darling and not stupid at all. I promise I wont cry anymore. Okay? ", papa said and scooped me into his arms.

That’s where I felt safest, in papa’s arms. In his arms the bad things didn’t hurt me that much. Papa was strong, he would scare them away! I smiled to myself as a picture of the them running away and papa giving chase with his stick came into my head.

Papa and I had gone to the big-city-with-all-the-water a week ago. Nattu and Bhola also wanted to come along, but papa took only me with him. He told them that the bad things in my stomach needed to be chased away by doctor saab , who lived in the city. I was very excited to go to the city. But I wanted ma also to come along. But Nattu, Bhola, Krishna and Kali needed some who would take care of them. So ma had to stay back

We met doctor saab, but he said he could not chase the bad things away and papa had been very upset since then. I saw him crying last night, in chacha’s house . I thought I had done something very bad. Papa didn’t even listen to my new story about the King and his horses.

“papa.. when will we reach home?” , I asked

“in a while beta. We will arrive at our station in 5 minutes then we can walk back home from there.”

Good. Maybe Kali will hear my story. She loves my stories. With this comforting thought I closed my eyes. I had begun to feel drowsy….

….. I was feeling very cold and this woke me up. I opened my eyes to see where we were. I looked around and realized that we were near the bridge over the river in our village. I was very excited to be home. But we weren’t moving. Papa was holding me and crying again.this put bad thoughts in my head.

“You said you wont cry… you promised”; I said.

Papa didn’t reply but he broke down further. He was weeping now. He put me on the edge of the bridge and looked at me. He had a very sad look in his eyes. Papa had the same look when Gowri, our cow, died. I was very scared now. Ma had asked me not to go too close to the edge of the bride.

“papa….”

“I am sorry. I cant see you in pain..It kills me …but I can’t help you either…we are too poor to live….”

I just kept yelling “papa bachao!, papa bachao!” for as long as I could….

This is the story of Sarita , a little girl from Janpur. Fortunately, she was saved by the local fishermen and restored to her family. This news was pickedup by NDTV and a lot of people have come forward offering monetary and medical help. But what of all those other little girls whose news is not picked up by anybody, they have no other choice but to drown, if not in lakes then in their own misery. I believe that every problem has a solution. what is the solution to this?

28.6%(about 305 million people) of all Indians are below the national poverty line. Poverty is helplessnes. No amount of charity can ever help them. Because money alone cannot reduce their helplessness.But services can.Every hospital should have mandatory pro bono time for their doctors and all schools should take in students pro bono. Every engineer, doctor, lawyer and banker has the responsibility of providing their services pro bono. This is the responsibility of a nation. Not just a few NGOs.

This is not about the right to education or information. This is about the Right to Live. And every living thing has a claim to it.This is the story of 300 million people.This is not the story of Sarita alone.

Music Tag

2007-07-08T14:59:00.000+05:30

i got tagged by my good friend shilpa from school.This actually happened a long time ago and she warned me about getting indolent! but hey! am on a holiday and am highly disinclined to use my fingers to do anything as exerting as TYPE!

Anyways this is what you gotta do:

You got to enqueue all the songs in your system onto winamp.. Activate the toggle shuffle thing and start answering the questions on your life entrusting your fate in the hands of winamp player.

1. How does the world see me??
"Makes me wonder-marron5". now That makes me wonder!

2. What do my friends think about me?
"i wanna wake up where you are- goo goo dolls" of course, everyone wants to hang out with me. face it , i am fun!

3. What shud I do with my life?
"everybody's fool -evanescence" .....hmmm..tricky...should i become a stand up comedian, or may be a politician, everybody finds them ridiculous!
4. How will I be remembered?
"seven days- craig david" okay! so looks like my time in the limelight will last a whole week! cool!
5.Whats my signature dancing number?
"welcome to india- ludakrishna and vikram MC" damn!!

6. which song shall be played on my wedding?
"we will be burning- sean paul" .ouch!! as long as we are burning with the passion of love it's okay, i hope i dont have to keep a couple of fire trucks ready!

7. What song shall be played on my funeral?
"the Forgotten-joe satriani" . excuse me!! hello..it is my funeral, dont you think it's a bit too early to forget me?? i better change my will now. %^&##$@@!

8. the song for my friends.
" on the run- pink floyd" hmmm...interesting.

9. 4 my family
"i am mine- pearl jam" okay...if u say so!

10.Song 4 ppl I don’t like!!
anya - deep purple and joe satriani. okay...irrelevant. i have never even heard of this song!

11.Whatz in my head during lectures?
"gasolina- daddy yankee" . yup. totally! i dont understand the lyrics of the song ,as i dont understand anything the poor guy on the dias is on about!

12.Whatz my job gonna be like??
"Fade to black- dire straits" . how very dire! :(

13.Whtz the song 4 my future mom-in-law??
"circle-slipknot" so i am guessing she is going to be fat.

14. Finally, some thoughts on myself..
" so far away- staind" Ah.perfect.

That was fun. okay that was much better than watching a series of K serials on tv, which is mostly what i have been doing in the past week! curiously no Hindi or Telugu songs, I wonder why..Ah. I seem to have forgotten to enque them!

shall tag others now.

changing into my slothy, lazy self again..

..

.

Time Dilation

2007-05-08T18:35:00.001+05:30

I thought time dilation happened at relativistic speeds. Or near massive objects. So why is time dilating now?

It never fails, the last few days on campus are the longest.I tell myself," its alright!, its just four more days..". But I can swear that, that was what I told myself a long time ago! I am beginning to wonder, which frame of reference is travelling at relativistic speeds and causing time to dilate and when exactly do we change frames?Or does the Earth's orbit bring Pilani close to a blackhole every year during may and december?

The cynic in me says, "relativistic speeds? that has got to be your CGPA plummeting!"

I Agree.

"I" is Kinnera Mahankali, M.Sc. (Hons.) Physics, BITS Pilani.

I hear laughter in my head...

21 years 'wise'

2007-04-09T01:53:00.000+05:30

22:40 black out in Pilani, instinctively I look up, and the night sky is studded. I smile, a gift from the cosmos?

23:55 : U2- vertigo. I'm intrigued.

00: 00 : U2- Its a beautiful day.

and it really was!

And Then It Rained..

2007-03-12T18:16:00.000+05:30

And then, it rained….

It rained,

spreading life and hope through barren lands.

It rained

quenching the thirst of the parched Earth.

It rained,

washing sorrow away. It rained,

cleansing souls muddied with distress.

It rained,

causing all life to stand still and wonder.

It rained,

calling all living beings to witness the beauty of creation.

It rained,

and all of Creation danced in merriment.

It rained, and brought joy..

It rained…It rained in reckless abandon.

Nest

2007-02-22T14:45:00.000+05:30

It was a very pleasant evening- Calm and serene.. The trees held their customary counsel with the wind and the birds added their opinion zestfully. The grass was wet with dew, and the flowers were in full bloom, welcoming the bees to a savoury feast of the best nectar. Sowmya looked into the clear water of the pond and found a school of fish swimming around in glee. The Earth seemed to be dressing up for a very special occasion. Nature had never looked this seductive. Sowmya wondered if some invisible fairies were at work, decorating the earth for an important celebration. Heaven, thought Sowmya.

She looked up at the sky and was startled to see the stark difference. The sky refused to mirror the happiness that was so plentiful on earth. It had its own tale to tell. It spoke of darkness and sorrow, of misery and evil. It spun tales of lost battles and spilled blood. The dark clouds became even darker as the tales neared their gloomy ends. They spoke of the valiant king who roamed the skies flooding the universe with his brilliance. In fact, they said, he is still here! And they suddenly turned against the setting sun and cornered him, moving with some manic energy. The sun put up a fight worthy of his valor, but in the end he had to give up and the dark clouds took over the skies plunging the world into darkness. Material gloom, thought Sowmya.

With a little shiver Sowmya brought herself back to her situation. She was waiting for Rajeev at the community park. She wondered if he would come. She wondered if she herself was ready for this. Was it a mistake? She couldn’t decide. Rajeev was everything she ever wanted. Till he came, life was nothing but a disappointment to her. She grew up believing that she was special. She knew her life was going to be different. She waited for her knight in shining armor to come and sweep her off her feet and take her to the magical land of her dreams. He would be as adventurous and dashing as she was and together they would explore the uncharted lands of the world, meet wonderful new people and have a very interesting life.

But if the knight was Rajeev, he took too much time to come. Meanwhile her parents had forced her to marry a peasant, (yes, if Rajeev was a knight then Nandan was a mere peasant) on a bullock-cart. She laughed mirthlessly as an image of Nandan dressed in a peasant’s dress and riding a bullock-cart entered her mind. Nandan wasn’t poor; in fact he was quite well to do. He belonged to the clan of software engineers. They are like ants, thought sowmya, Clones of one another. They bored her, as did Nandan. Early in her marriage she resented everything about Nandan, right from his neat wardrobe to his pearl white Maruti zen. But Nandan always tried to keep her happy. She knew he loved her, but there was no passion in him. He was very passive and was content to just sit at home and watch cricket. The only time she ever saw him get excited was when Google desktop was released. “Google is going to take over the world!”, he would say . She had resigned herself to a life of boredom.

But life suddenly became exciting when the twins came into Sowmya’s life. She was very thrilled about being a mother. But lately, they too had started to get on her nerves. They always wanted her attention over something. Just like those baby pigeons thought Sowmya, observing a nest on the tree next to the bench she was sitting on. Only one of the parent pigeons, probably the dad thought Sowmaya wryly ,was there to look after them, and it had a tough time attending to all the kids. Just like Nandan would have a tough time taking care of the kids. She felt her stomach twist to knots as she thought about this. She was a mother, and guilt filled her as she realized that she was abandoning her children. She quickly put this thought away, reasoning that they were better off without her.

She shook her head and looked at her watch, it was 6 :30. Rajeev said he would be there at 6 : 30. A strange excitement filled her, as she thought about Rajeev. Rajeev was Nandan’s boss and he was smitten the first time he laid eyes on Sowmya. He had wooed her as her dashing knight would and asked her to elope with him. Sowmya had refused his passes at her in the beginning, but she soon got carried away by his charm. He was after all everything she had ever wanted. Nandan never suspected anything. He was a very trusting man, quite endearing, thought Sowmya. Hours melted into days, and days to weeks, and suddenly here she was, sitting in a park, waiting for Rajeev to take her away from her boring life.

She felt a drop fall on her cheek and she looked up. It was starting to drizzle. She ran for cover and stood under the tree on which she spotted the nest. It promptly started raining heavily and her ears were filled with the loud sound of water splashing onto the ground. She stood there and wishing that Rajeev would hurry up and get there fast.

Suddenly, the nest fell to the floor and the little pigeons scattered all over the ground. They were crippled without their wings and the parent tried its best to gather them together and shield them with its wings. Concern filled her as she looked at the little ones getting wet and screeching in pain. She didn’t want to scare the parent away, so she stood motionless and watched the parent pigeon’s valiant effort to save its family. But it was in vain- the parent pigeon’s wigs weren’t big enough to cover all the little ones. She had just decided to do something and stepped forward when the other parent pigeon flew into sight. It settled down on the floor and unfurled its wings. It covered the remaining little ones with its wings. Sowmya stared, captivated. The parents together had achieved what one could not.

Sowmya turned and walked away into the rain….

I So Wish I Were A Fish!

2007-02-02T18:53:00.000+05:30

You know? Fish are really interesting creatures. They come in all sorts of colours- from the serene blues to the out –of- the- world blacks , oh!, the radiant reds and of course the vivacious oranges. Its not just the colours though, there are shapes and sizes too! There are the humongous whales and the tiny rice fish. They eat a whole lot of things too…some fish are vegetarian while others are not.

So... just imagine being a fish, I know you are thinking “why???!!!”, but just wait a minute and imagine. It would be really cool! Fish have enumerable advantages over human beings. Well, if not anything, you would at least have a very colourful life!

You know, that feeling you get sometimes, like your head is too cluttered?? They say that the memory span of gold fish is about three seconds. So if you were a gold fish, this problem would be solved! All that you would have in your mind would be-

“Hmm…I’m hungry…wonder where I can get some food … I think I need to go do—Hmm…. I’m hungry….wonder when I can get some food….I think I need to go do- ….”

Of course, you would have a very genuine reason for forgetting people’s birthdays!

“Hey! What do I know dude.. I am just a gold fish!”

Their attention span is supposed to be 9 seconds, another great reason to tell your prof when he catches you snoozing in class –“ Hey! What do I know dude…I am just a goldfish!”

And yeah, fish get to travel a lot, they are rolling stones, they don’t stop at a place for long. And ergo, they don’t gather moss! For all those people who love adventure- Dream come true, isn’t it?? You could just pack your little cases and swim around all over the world- The world is your aquarium baby!!!

Groups of fish are called “school of fish” , so school would be great fun, all you would do is hang out with the guys!

Another trivial advantage-fish don’t have noses; they just have gills…so no one would ever get a chance to tease you about your funny little nose.

I could write a doctoral thesis on “the advantages of fish over human beings” . They don’t have to bother about GRE,CAT and other similar stuff that bother you and keep you awake all night! No relationship problems, no CDCs , no classes, and importantly , no comprees!! They don’t have to bother about what’s gonna happen two years down the line when you need to sit for those damn aptitude tests. No worries about the future or the past. Just live for the moment. Isn’t that the point anyways?

Man… I so wish I were a fish!

Groovy!

2007-01-28T01:25:00.000+05:30

As I sit here, I wonder what makes the others oblivious to everything around them. They seem to inhabit a different universe. A universe filled with joy and ecstasy. They are filled with a strange energy- they don’t seem to tire. This intrigued me. The girl in red looks in my direction and beckons, with a knowing smile. Curious, I decide to join in. we walk towards the others, they are expecting us. They shuffle around and make some place for us. I stand there and wait, filled with a strange feeling….apprehension? I put this feeling away, I am too caught up with everything to take it seriously.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I feel a shove and open my eyes to look around. I notice that more people have joined us now and were jostling for place. A small smile spreads across my face. I look around, everyone seems to be having a good time. I still stand there and wait, unsure of what to do.

I give in, throwing all my fears away. A last doubt creeps into my head, I push that away too.

Suddenly, something in me changes. I am filled with the same energy. I attain a state of euphoria. I feel a rush as adrenaline fills my veins. I lose all sense of space and time. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. All my doubts and apprehensions slip away. All my thoughts and memories are lost in the depths of my mind. I panic and reach out for them, but they are too deeply buried for me to find. I give up. I decide to keep going and enjoy the high. I keep going till I become oblivious to everything around me. I can feel just one thing now. Bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss.

I look around and the world dissolves in a blur of colours. I laugh out loud. This is not quite enough and I scream. Yes, that was more like it!

Another feeling rushes into my head. It becomes impossible for me to ignore it. Nausea. Wave after wave of nausea hits me. My legs give way and I slump to the floor. I black out.

Marijuana?!!!...Music nite!

The Divide

2007-01-28T00:10:00.000+05:30

Life is so easy…thought Shveta ,as she sipped on a glass of orange juice in bed ,early morning on the first day of her summer vacation. Kantha , the cook, walked into the room and announced, “dosas for breakfast! Hot and crisp, just the way you like it dear!”

“thank you”, shveta replied and asked again ,” where is mom?”

Before kantha could reply the bedside phone rang and Shveta picked it up

“Hello”

“good morning darling! I am sorry dear …I had to leave early, you know I am going on a vacation to Europe with my friends. I didn’t want to wake you up so early in the morning….Kantha will help you get ready for school ,be a good girl and go to school okay??”

“yes mom”

“bye darling”

Shveta put the phone down with a sigh- her mom forgot that her summer vacation had started and Shveta did not see any use of reminding her. Her dad was away on business as always. Looking at Shveta Kanta’s eyes filled up with tears and she left the room saying that she better get started with making lunch.

Shveta got out of bed and got dressed. She walked around her room and liked at her collection of toys and dolls. Her room was the largest of the 8 bedrooms that “sadat Manzil” boasted of. Her room looked like a toys’ store and had a home theatre system installed and Shveta hated it. She never played with any of the toys her dad bought back from his business trips abroad, the latest being a bicycle. She left the room to go play with her friends…..

Everyday was a battle in Lakshmi’s life. She woke up at 5 in the morning everyday and went for work with her mother. She came back home and took care of her three little brothers. Her mom came back in the evening and cooked dinner for the family, which they shared equally. Tataa was always in bed . He lost both his legs in the freedom struggle. He told brilliant stories and when he was in mood extremely funny ones. Lakshmi, her brothers and her friend loved to sit and listen to old Tataa’s ramblings. Her dad worked at the construction site and bought back cotton candy everyday for the kids to munch on.

The whole family slept on the floor in their shaky little hut. It was all right during most of the seasons, but the rainy season when the roof leaked.

Lakshmi just got back from work and ate had breakfast which usually consisted of left over food from the house where she worked and a lot of water. This too she had to share with her little bothers. The little kids were just getting ready to sit down and listen to Tataa’s stories when there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi’s face lit up with a smile, her friend was here. She opened the door and Shveta walked in.

The two girls and the kids sat down around tataa’s cot outside the hut and tataa started, “ I was a young man you know, when that idiot Ramaswamy tried to fool us…….”

The kid’s faces lit up with joy as tataa was going to tell them a funny story today and they prepared for another fun filled afternoon.

Unnamed

2007-01-25T13:54:00.000+05:30

Nothing….this is what I have left now. The present holds no promise and the future looks bleak. My shoulders are weighed down by the burden of sorrow that I carry. The castles of my dreams turned out to be made of sand, and reality, like a brutal wave washed them away. Hope seems elusive…. she wants to have nothing to do with me. Lady luck agrees with her and turns her back on me. Both of them walk away, hand in hand, even as beg them to stay. They just smile serenely and shake their heads- they have given up on me. I reach out for love, expectant, even hopeful. But find an empty void instead. I realize that I should not have tried.

I look around; I am surrounded by darkness, inky black darkness. I feel oppressed, suffocated. Tears start rolling down my face. I am not ashamed of them, they offer some relief. I cry for a while, and then the tears stop coming too, denying me their solace. I look up mustering enough courage to face my maker and question him…..

And then He hears my plea….answers all my questions. I begin to understand things. I am filled with wondrous understanding as I realize something….I am not alone in this battle… He has always been by my side…His eyes are the stars… they shine down upon me…. I realize that the darkness is there so that the stars shine better. Hope and lady luck had just gone for a walk…they come back to me with wide grins on their faces. I am lost in the vastness of the night sky….. the hundreds of constellations spur my imagination and help me build more castles. The tears come back again…but this time they are full of joy…. New ideas form in my head offering more hope. Suddenly I feel a bond, it fills my entire being. I know that it’s the same bond that runs through every living thing in every distant planet. All watched over by the stars. I feel connected to the stars. A smile spreads across my face…

I like the darkness…. It helps me see the stars.