on Sunday, 28 January 2007

As I sit here, I wonder what makes the others oblivious to everything around them. They seem to inhabit a different universe. A universe filled with joy and ecstasy. They are filled with a strange energy- they don’t seem to tire. This intrigued me. The girl in red looks in my direction and beckons, with a knowing smile. Curious, I decide to join in. we walk towards the others, they are expecting us. They shuffle around and make some place for us. I stand there and wait, filled with a strange feeling….apprehension? I put this feeling away, I am too caught up with everything to take it seriously.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I feel a shove and open my eyes to look around. I notice that more people have joined us now and were jostling for place. A small smile spreads across my face. I look around, everyone seems to be having a good time. I still stand there and wait, unsure of what to do.

I give in, throwing all my fears away. A last doubt creeps into my head, I push that away too.

Suddenly, something in me changes. I am filled with the same energy. I attain a state of euphoria. I feel a rush as adrenaline fills my veins. I lose all sense of space and time. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. All my doubts and apprehensions slip away. All my thoughts and memories are lost in the depths of my mind. I panic and reach out for them, but they are too deeply buried for me to find. I give up. I decide to keep going and enjoy the high. I keep going till I become oblivious to everything around me. I can feel just one thing now. Bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss.

I look around and the world dissolves in a blur of colours. I laugh out loud. This is not quite enough and I scream. Yes, that was more like it!

Another feeling rushes into my head. It becomes impossible for me to ignore it. Nausea. Wave after wave of nausea hits me. My legs give way and I slump to the floor. I black out.

Marijuana?!!!...Music nite!

The Divide

Life is so easy…thought Shveta ,as she sipped on a glass of orange juice in bed ,early morning on the first day of her summer vacation. Kantha , the cook, walked into the room and announced, “dosas for breakfast! Hot and crisp, just the way you like it dear!”

“thank you”, shveta replied and asked again ,” where is mom?”

Before kantha could reply the bedside phone rang and Shveta picked it up


“good morning darling! I am sorry dear …I had to leave early, you know I am going on a vacation to Europe with my friends. I didn’t want to wake you up so early in the morning….Kantha will help you get ready for school ,be a good girl and go to school okay??”

“yes mom”

“bye darling”

Shveta put the phone down with a sigh- her mom forgot that her summer vacation had started and Shveta did not see any use of reminding her. Her dad was away on business as always. Looking at Shveta Kanta’s eyes filled up with tears and she left the room saying that she better get started with making lunch.

Shveta got out of bed and got dressed. She walked around her room and liked at her collection of toys and dolls. Her room was the largest of the 8 bedrooms that “sadat Manzil” boasted of. Her room looked like a toys’ store and had a home theatre system installed and Shveta hated it. She never played with any of the toys her dad bought back from his business trips abroad, the latest being a bicycle. She left the room to go play with her friends…..

Everyday was a battle in Lakshmi’s life. She woke up at 5 in the morning everyday and went for work with her mother. She came back home and took care of her three little brothers. Her mom came back in the evening and cooked dinner for the family, which they shared equally. Tataa was always in bed . He lost both his legs in the freedom struggle. He told brilliant stories and when he was in mood extremely funny ones. Lakshmi, her brothers and her friend loved to sit and listen to old Tataa’s ramblings. Her dad worked at the construction site and bought back cotton candy everyday for the kids to munch on.

The whole family slept on the floor in their shaky little hut. It was all right during most of the seasons, but the rainy season when the roof leaked.

Lakshmi just got back from work and ate had breakfast which usually consisted of left over food from the house where she worked and a lot of water. This too she had to share with her little bothers. The little kids were just getting ready to sit down and listen to Tataa’s stories when there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi’s face lit up with a smile, her friend was here. She opened the door and Shveta walked in.

The two girls and the kids sat down around tataa’s cot outside the hut and tataa started, “ I was a young man you know, when that idiot Ramaswamy tried to fool us…….”

The kid’s faces lit up with joy as tataa was going to tell them a funny story today and they prepared for another fun filled afternoon.


on Thursday, 25 January 2007

Nothing….this is what I have left now. The present holds no promise and the future looks bleak. My shoulders are weighed down by the burden of sorrow that I carry. The castles of my dreams turned out to be made of sand, and reality, like a brutal wave washed them away. Hope seems elusive…. she wants to have nothing to do with me. Lady luck agrees with her and turns her back on me. Both of them walk away, hand in hand, even as beg them to stay. They just smile serenely and shake their heads- they have given up on me. I reach out for love, expectant, even hopeful. But find an empty void instead. I realize that I should not have tried.

I look around; I am surrounded by darkness, inky black darkness. I feel oppressed, suffocated. Tears start rolling down my face. I am not ashamed of them, they offer some relief. I cry for a while, and then the tears stop coming too, denying me their solace. I look up mustering enough courage to face my maker and question him…..

And then He hears my plea….answers all my questions. I begin to understand things. I am filled with wondrous understanding as I realize something….I am not alone in this battle… He has always been by my side…His eyes are the stars… they shine down upon me…. I realize that the darkness is there so that the stars shine better. Hope and lady luck had just gone for a walk…they come back to me with wide grins on their faces. I am lost in the vastness of the night sky….. the hundreds of constellations spur my imagination and help me build more castles. The tears come back again…but this time they are full of joy…. New ideas form in my head offering more hope. Suddenly I feel a bond, it fills my entire being. I know that it’s the same bond that runs through every living thing in every distant planet. All watched over by the stars. I feel connected to the stars. A smile spreads across my face…

I like the darkness…. It helps me see the stars.