on Wednesday, 10 October 2007

prepare to fly.

2 months down; 2 more to go.

on Monday, 8 October 2007

so..Its half way through the semester and I have the good fortune (allegedly) of pursuing B.E(Hons.) EEE from one of the best institutes of the country. The EEE department of BITS is counted among the best of the world.

I have learnt a lot this semester, but the most important things that I have learnt are the following :

1. Zeros are very round.
2. It does not matter how many times the zeros are replicated, as long as there are no other digits involved, their absolute value remains the same.

I consider myself ENLIGHTENED.

on Tuesday, 28 August 2007

My greatest strength. My wonder wall.My favourite companion. My biggest buddy. My partner in crime.My soundest adviser. My best friend.

My darling little brother. I am truly blessed.

Hear Ye Jabber!

on Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Here is a collection of few interesting thoughts that i have had/read/ heard in the recent past...feel free to continue the train!

* whats the point of a soul when the self is technologically mutable.u can achieve pseudo immortality through cloning and save all your thoughts and memories on hard drives.the whole point of the soul is to substantiate the concept of immortality, isn't it??

* human thoughts never travel in straight lines between two points. The mind always chooses to follow highly convoluted paths between two ideas or to make decisions. Ergo, human thought processes are not linear. ironically, my micro electronics prof says,humans dont get non linear dynamics!

* life is a series of rooms. what's important it, whom you are stuck with and in which room! if u figure these two things out....You'll do just fine!

*Bono is right!Bono is always right! I love Bono....

"what you don't have you don't need it now.....What you don't know you can feel it somehow"


on Sunday, 12 August 2007

Here I am, This is me.

Am not referring to the lyrics of the Brian Adams' song, but this is essentially my perspective these days. Its the beginning of another new academic year in BITS pilani, another 900 freshers,who for most part are confused about why they are here. Another fresh batch of second yearites with a lot of resolutions, a skeptical third year batch facing their (in some cases their first) set of CDCs. Lots of changes.Lots of new things.

But for me, its just another darn sem, with another set of CDCs. Nothing has changed. Nothing is new. even some of the resolutions are repeated. I feel like I am living in a time warp and living the same set of days again and again.

And again.


and again


okay! I will stop.. :) it was just too good to resist!

Anyways, the point is, I am bored!anybody with me on this??

Papa and I

on Monday, 16 July 2007

I put my head down and tried to sleep on papa’s shoulder. I closed my eyes to sleep, but the bad thing in my stomach hurt me again. I wanted to cry out, but didn’t want to upset papa. He has been very upset for the past seven days because of me. The bad things worried him too. I opened my eyes and looked out of the window of the train. The trees seemed to run past the train at great speed. I thought this was very funny, and laughed out loud. But I had to stop because the bad things were hurting me again. Papa looked at me and asked me what happened.

“Look at the trees papa. They are running after each other in a straight line. Cricket masterji at school would be impressed with their speed!” , I said and smiled up at him.

“The trees are not moving beta, but the train is, so it looks like the trees are running”, Papa replied, looking down at me and his eyes filled with tears. I suddenly felt very stupid.

“sorry papa. I am stupid. I should listen more to masterji at school. I will do that from tomorrow. Please don’t cry..”

“No beta. You are a darling and not stupid at all. I promise I wont cry anymore. Okay? ", papa said and scooped me into his arms.

That’s where I felt safest, in papa’s arms. In his arms the bad things didn’t hurt me that much. Papa was strong, he would scare them away! I smiled to myself as a picture of the them running away and papa giving chase with his stick came into my head.

Papa and I had gone to the big-city-with-all-the-water a week ago. Nattu and Bhola also wanted to come along, but papa took only me with him. He told them that the bad things in my stomach needed to be chased away by doctor saab , who lived in the city. I was very excited to go to the city. But I wanted ma also to come along. But Nattu, Bhola, Krishna and Kali needed some who would take care of them. So ma had to stay back

We met doctor saab, but he said he could not chase the bad things away and papa had been very upset since then. I saw him crying last night, in chacha’s house . I thought I had done something very bad. Papa didn’t even listen to my new story about the King and his horses.

“papa.. when will we reach home?” , I asked

“in a while beta. We will arrive at our station in 5 minutes then we can walk back home from there.”

Good. Maybe Kali will hear my story. She loves my stories. With this comforting thought I closed my eyes. I had begun to feel drowsy….

….. I was feeling very cold and this woke me up. I opened my eyes to see where we were. I looked around and realized that we were near the bridge over the river in our village. I was very excited to be home. But we weren’t moving. Papa was holding me and crying again.this put bad thoughts in my head.

“You said you wont cry… you promised”; I said.

Papa didn’t reply but he broke down further. He was weeping now. He put me on the edge of the bridge and looked at me. He had a very sad look in his eyes. Papa had the same look when Gowri, our cow, died. I was very scared now. Ma had asked me not to go too close to the edge of the bride.


“I am sorry. I cant see you in pain..It kills me …but I can’t help you either…we are too poor to live….”

I just kept yelling “papa bachao!, papa bachao!” for as long as I could….

This is the story of Sarita , a little girl from Janpur. Fortunately, she was saved by the local fishermen and restored to her family. This news was pickedup by NDTV and a lot of people have come forward offering monetary and medical help. But what of all those other little girls whose news is not picked up by anybody, they have no other choice but to drown, if not in lakes then in their own misery. I believe that every problem has a solution. what is the solution to this?

28.6%(about 305 million people) of all Indians are below the national poverty line. Poverty is helplessnes. No amount of charity can ever help them. Because money alone cannot reduce their helplessness.But services can.Every hospital should have mandatory pro bono time for their doctors and all schools should take in students pro bono. Every engineer, doctor, lawyer and banker has the responsibility of providing their services pro bono. This is the responsibility of a nation. Not just a few NGOs.

This is not about the right to education or information. This is about the Right to Live. And every living thing has a claim to it.This is the story of 300 million people.This is not the story of Sarita alone.

Music Tag

on Sunday, 8 July 2007

i got tagged by my good friend shilpa from school.This actually happened a long time ago and she warned me about getting indolent! but hey! am on a holiday and am highly disinclined to use my fingers to do anything as exerting as TYPE!

Anyways this is what you gotta do:

You got to enqueue all the songs in your system onto winamp.. Activate the toggle shuffle thing and start answering the questions on your life entrusting your fate in the hands of winamp player.

1. How does the world see me??
"Makes me wonder-marron5". now That makes me wonder!

2. What do my friends think about me?
"i wanna wake up where you are- goo goo dolls" of course, everyone wants to hang out with me. face it , i am fun!

3. What shud I do with my life?
"everybody's fool -evanescence" .....hmmm..tricky...should i become a stand up comedian, or may be a politician, everybody finds them ridiculous!

4. How will I be remembered?
"seven days- craig david" okay! so looks like my time in the limelight will last a whole week! cool!

5.Whats my signature dancing number?
"welcome to india- ludakrishna and vikram MC" damn!!

6. which song shall be played on my wedding?
"we will be burning- sean paul" .ouch!! as long as we are burning with the passion of love it's okay, i hope i dont have to keep a couple of fire trucks ready!

7. What song shall be played on my funeral?
"the Forgotten-joe satriani" . excuse me!! hello..it is my funeral, dont you think it's a bit too early to forget me?? i better change my will now. %^&##$@@!

8. the song for my friends.
" on the run- pink floyd" hmmm...interesting.

9. 4 my family
"i am mine- pearl jam" okay...if u say so!

10.Song 4 ppl I don’t like!!
anya - deep purple and joe satriani. okay...irrelevant. i have never even heard of this song!

11.Whatz in my head during lectures?
"gasolina- daddy yankee" . yup. totally! i dont understand the lyrics of the song ,as i dont understand anything the poor guy on the dias is on about!

12.Whatz my job gonna be like??

"Fade to black- dire straits" . how very dire! :(

13.Whtz the song 4 my future mom-in-law??
"circle-slipknot" so i am guessing she is going to be fat.

14. Finally, some thoughts on myself..
" so far away- staind" Ah.perfect.

That was fun. okay that was much better than watching a series of K serials on tv, which is mostly what i have been doing in the past week! curiously no Hindi or Telugu songs, I wonder why..Ah. I seem to have forgotten to enque them!

shall tag others now.

changing into my slothy, lazy self again..



Time Dilation

on Tuesday, 8 May 2007

I thought time dilation happened at relativistic speeds. Or near massive objects. So why is time dilating now?

It never fails, the last few days on campus are the longest.I tell myself," its alright!, its just four more days..". But I can swear that, that was what I told myself a long time ago! I am beginning to wonder, which frame of reference is travelling at relativistic speeds and causing time to dilate and when exactly do we change frames?Or does the Earth's orbit bring Pilani close to a blackhole every year during may and december?

The cynic in me says, "relativistic speeds? that has got to be your CGPA plummeting!"

I Agree.

"I" is Kinnera Mahankali, M.Sc. (Hons.) Physics, BITS Pilani.

I hear laughter in my head...

21 years 'wise'

on Monday, 9 April 2007

22:40 black out in Pilani, instinctively I look up, and the night sky is studded. I smile, a gift from the cosmos?

23:55 : U2- vertigo. I'm intrigued.

00: 00 : U2- Its a beautiful day.

and it really was!

And Then It Rained..

on Monday, 12 March 2007

And then, it rained….

It rained,

spreading life and hope through barren lands.

It rained

quenching the thirst of the parched Earth.

It rained,

washing sorrow away. It rained,

cleansing souls muddied with distress.

It rained,

causing all life to stand still and wonder.

It rained,

calling all living beings to witness the beauty of creation.

It rained,

and all of Creation danced in merriment.

It rained, and brought joy..

It rained…It rained in reckless abandon.


on Thursday, 22 February 2007

It was a very pleasant evening- Calm and serene.. The trees held their customary counsel with the wind and the birds added their opinion zestfully. The grass was wet with dew, and the flowers were in full bloom, welcoming the bees to a savoury feast of the best nectar. Sowmya looked into the clear water of the pond and found a school of fish swimming around in glee. The Earth seemed to be dressing up for a very special occasion. Nature had never looked this seductive. Sowmya wondered if some invisible fairies were at work, decorating the earth for an important celebration. Heaven, thought Sowmya.

She looked up at the sky and was startled to see the stark difference. The sky refused to mirror the happiness that was so plentiful on earth. It had its own tale to tell. It spoke of darkness and sorrow, of misery and evil. It spun tales of lost battles and spilled blood. The dark clouds became even darker as the tales neared their gloomy ends. They spoke of the valiant king who roamed the skies flooding the universe with his brilliance. In fact, they said, he is still here! And they suddenly turned against the setting sun and cornered him, moving with some manic energy. The sun put up a fight worthy of his valor, but in the end he had to give up and the dark clouds took over the skies plunging the world into darkness. Material gloom, thought Sowmya.

With a little shiver Sowmya brought herself back to her situation. She was waiting for Rajeev at the community park. She wondered if he would come. She wondered if she herself was ready for this. Was it a mistake? She couldn’t decide. Rajeev was everything she ever wanted. Till he came, life was nothing but a disappointment to her. She grew up believing that she was special. She knew her life was going to be different. She waited for her knight in shining armor to come and sweep her off her feet and take her to the magical land of her dreams. He would be as adventurous and dashing as she was and together they would explore the uncharted lands of the world, meet wonderful new people and have a very interesting life.

But if the knight was Rajeev, he took too much time to come. Meanwhile her parents had forced her to marry a peasant, (yes, if Rajeev was a knight then Nandan was a mere peasant) on a bullock-cart. She laughed mirthlessly as an image of Nandan dressed in a peasant’s dress and riding a bullock-cart entered her mind. Nandan wasn’t poor; in fact he was quite well to do. He belonged to the clan of software engineers. They are like ants, thought sowmya, Clones of one another. They bored her, as did Nandan. Early in her marriage she resented everything about Nandan, right from his neat wardrobe to his pearl white Maruti zen. But Nandan always tried to keep her happy. She knew he loved her, but there was no passion in him. He was very passive and was content to just sit at home and watch cricket. The only time she ever saw him get excited was when Google desktop was released. “Google is going to take over the world!”, he would say . She had resigned herself to a life of boredom.

But life suddenly became exciting when the twins came into Sowmya’s life. She was very thrilled about being a mother. But lately, they too had started to get on her nerves. They always wanted her attention over something. Just like those baby pigeons thought Sowmya, observing a nest on the tree next to the bench she was sitting on. Only one of the parent pigeons, probably the dad thought Sowmaya wryly ,was there to look after them, and it had a tough time attending to all the kids. Just like Nandan would have a tough time taking care of the kids. She felt her stomach twist to knots as she thought about this. She was a mother, and guilt filled her as she realized that she was abandoning her children. She quickly put this thought away, reasoning that they were better off without her.

She shook her head and looked at her watch, it was 6 :30. Rajeev said he would be there at 6 : 30. A strange excitement filled her, as she thought about Rajeev. Rajeev was Nandan’s boss and he was smitten the first time he laid eyes on Sowmya. He had wooed her as her dashing knight would and asked her to elope with him. Sowmya had refused his passes at her in the beginning, but she soon got carried away by his charm. He was after all everything she had ever wanted. Nandan never suspected anything. He was a very trusting man, quite endearing, thought Sowmya. Hours melted into days, and days to weeks, and suddenly here she was, sitting in a park, waiting for Rajeev to take her away from her boring life.

She felt a drop fall on her cheek and she looked up. It was starting to drizzle. She ran for cover and stood under the tree on which she spotted the nest. It promptly started raining heavily and her ears were filled with the loud sound of water splashing onto the ground. She stood there and wishing that Rajeev would hurry up and get there fast.

Suddenly, the nest fell to the floor and the little pigeons scattered all over the ground. They were crippled without their wings and the parent tried its best to gather them together and shield them with its wings. Concern filled her as she looked at the little ones getting wet and screeching in pain. She didn’t want to scare the parent away, so she stood motionless and watched the parent pigeon’s valiant effort to save its family. But it was in vain- the parent pigeon’s wigs weren’t big enough to cover all the little ones. She had just decided to do something and stepped forward when the other parent pigeon flew into sight. It settled down on the floor and unfurled its wings. It covered the remaining little ones with its wings. Sowmya stared, captivated. The parents together had achieved what one could not.

Sowmya turned and walked away into the rain….

I So Wish I Were A Fish!

on Friday, 2 February 2007

You know? Fish are really interesting creatures. They come in all sorts of colours- from the serene blues to the out –of- the- world blacks , oh!, the radiant reds and of course the vivacious oranges. Its not just the colours though, there are shapes and sizes too! There are the humongous whales and the tiny rice fish. They eat a whole lot of things too…some fish are vegetarian while others are not.

So... just imagine being a fish, I know you are thinking “why???!!!”, but just wait a minute and imagine. It would be really cool! Fish have enumerable advantages over human beings. Well, if not anything, you would at least have a very colourful life!

You know, that feeling you get sometimes, like your head is too cluttered?? They say that the memory span of gold fish is about three seconds. So if you were a gold fish, this problem would be solved! All that you would have in your mind would be-

“Hmm…I’m hungry…wonder where I can get some food … I think I need to go do—Hmm…. I’m hungry….wonder when I can get some food….I think I need to go do- ….”

Of course, you would have a very genuine reason for forgetting people’s birthdays!

“Hey! What do I know dude.. I am just a gold fish!”

Their attention span is supposed to be 9 seconds, another great reason to tell your prof when he catches you snoozing in class –“ Hey! What do I know dude…I am just a goldfish!”

And yeah, fish get to travel a lot, they are rolling stones, they don’t stop at a place for long. And ergo, they don’t gather moss! For all those people who love adventure- Dream come true, isn’t it?? You could just pack your little cases and swim around all over the world- The world is your aquarium baby!!!

Groups of fish are called “school of fish” , so school would be great fun, all you would do is hang out with the guys!

Another trivial advantage-fish don’t have noses; they just have gills…so no one would ever get a chance to tease you about your funny little nose.

I could write a doctoral thesis on “the advantages of fish over human beings” . They don’t have to bother about GRE,CAT and other similar stuff that bother you and keep you awake all night! No relationship problems, no CDCs , no classes, and importantly , no comprees!! They don’t have to bother about what’s gonna happen two years down the line when you need to sit for those damn aptitude tests. No worries about the future or the past. Just live for the moment. Isn’t that the point anyways?

Man… I so wish I were a fish!


on Sunday, 28 January 2007

As I sit here, I wonder what makes the others oblivious to everything around them. They seem to inhabit a different universe. A universe filled with joy and ecstasy. They are filled with a strange energy- they don’t seem to tire. This intrigued me. The girl in red looks in my direction and beckons, with a knowing smile. Curious, I decide to join in. we walk towards the others, they are expecting us. They shuffle around and make some place for us. I stand there and wait, filled with a strange feeling….apprehension? I put this feeling away, I am too caught up with everything to take it seriously.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I feel a shove and open my eyes to look around. I notice that more people have joined us now and were jostling for place. A small smile spreads across my face. I look around, everyone seems to be having a good time. I still stand there and wait, unsure of what to do.

I give in, throwing all my fears away. A last doubt creeps into my head, I push that away too.

Suddenly, something in me changes. I am filled with the same energy. I attain a state of euphoria. I feel a rush as adrenaline fills my veins. I lose all sense of space and time. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. All my doubts and apprehensions slip away. All my thoughts and memories are lost in the depths of my mind. I panic and reach out for them, but they are too deeply buried for me to find. I give up. I decide to keep going and enjoy the high. I keep going till I become oblivious to everything around me. I can feel just one thing now. Bliss. Pure unadulterated bliss.

I look around and the world dissolves in a blur of colours. I laugh out loud. This is not quite enough and I scream. Yes, that was more like it!

Another feeling rushes into my head. It becomes impossible for me to ignore it. Nausea. Wave after wave of nausea hits me. My legs give way and I slump to the floor. I black out.

Marijuana?!!!...Music nite!

The Divide

Life is so easy…thought Shveta ,as she sipped on a glass of orange juice in bed ,early morning on the first day of her summer vacation. Kantha , the cook, walked into the room and announced, “dosas for breakfast! Hot and crisp, just the way you like it dear!”

“thank you”, shveta replied and asked again ,” where is mom?”

Before kantha could reply the bedside phone rang and Shveta picked it up


“good morning darling! I am sorry dear …I had to leave early, you know I am going on a vacation to Europe with my friends. I didn’t want to wake you up so early in the morning….Kantha will help you get ready for school ,be a good girl and go to school okay??”

“yes mom”

“bye darling”

Shveta put the phone down with a sigh- her mom forgot that her summer vacation had started and Shveta did not see any use of reminding her. Her dad was away on business as always. Looking at Shveta Kanta’s eyes filled up with tears and she left the room saying that she better get started with making lunch.

Shveta got out of bed and got dressed. She walked around her room and liked at her collection of toys and dolls. Her room was the largest of the 8 bedrooms that “sadat Manzil” boasted of. Her room looked like a toys’ store and had a home theatre system installed and Shveta hated it. She never played with any of the toys her dad bought back from his business trips abroad, the latest being a bicycle. She left the room to go play with her friends…..

Everyday was a battle in Lakshmi’s life. She woke up at 5 in the morning everyday and went for work with her mother. She came back home and took care of her three little brothers. Her mom came back in the evening and cooked dinner for the family, which they shared equally. Tataa was always in bed . He lost both his legs in the freedom struggle. He told brilliant stories and when he was in mood extremely funny ones. Lakshmi, her brothers and her friend loved to sit and listen to old Tataa’s ramblings. Her dad worked at the construction site and bought back cotton candy everyday for the kids to munch on.

The whole family slept on the floor in their shaky little hut. It was all right during most of the seasons, but the rainy season when the roof leaked.

Lakshmi just got back from work and ate had breakfast which usually consisted of left over food from the house where she worked and a lot of water. This too she had to share with her little bothers. The little kids were just getting ready to sit down and listen to Tataa’s stories when there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi’s face lit up with a smile, her friend was here. She opened the door and Shveta walked in.

The two girls and the kids sat down around tataa’s cot outside the hut and tataa started, “ I was a young man you know, when that idiot Ramaswamy tried to fool us…….”

The kid’s faces lit up with joy as tataa was going to tell them a funny story today and they prepared for another fun filled afternoon.


on Thursday, 25 January 2007

Nothing….this is what I have left now. The present holds no promise and the future looks bleak. My shoulders are weighed down by the burden of sorrow that I carry. The castles of my dreams turned out to be made of sand, and reality, like a brutal wave washed them away. Hope seems elusive…. she wants to have nothing to do with me. Lady luck agrees with her and turns her back on me. Both of them walk away, hand in hand, even as beg them to stay. They just smile serenely and shake their heads- they have given up on me. I reach out for love, expectant, even hopeful. But find an empty void instead. I realize that I should not have tried.

I look around; I am surrounded by darkness, inky black darkness. I feel oppressed, suffocated. Tears start rolling down my face. I am not ashamed of them, they offer some relief. I cry for a while, and then the tears stop coming too, denying me their solace. I look up mustering enough courage to face my maker and question him…..

And then He hears my plea….answers all my questions. I begin to understand things. I am filled with wondrous understanding as I realize something….I am not alone in this battle… He has always been by my side…His eyes are the stars… they shine down upon me…. I realize that the darkness is there so that the stars shine better. Hope and lady luck had just gone for a walk…they come back to me with wide grins on their faces. I am lost in the vastness of the night sky….. the hundreds of constellations spur my imagination and help me build more castles. The tears come back again…but this time they are full of joy…. New ideas form in my head offering more hope. Suddenly I feel a bond, it fills my entire being. I know that it’s the same bond that runs through every living thing in every distant planet. All watched over by the stars. I feel connected to the stars. A smile spreads across my face…

I like the darkness…. It helps me see the stars.